1
00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:02,640
Feel like you're holding back, mate.

2
00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:04,960
If we're gonna put this online,
we're gonna need more from you.

3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,960
<c.yellow>Like more arrogance in your face.</c>

4
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:07,960
Yeah.
<c.cyan>Yeah.</c>

5
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,960
<c.cyan>Yeah, that's it.</c>
<c.yellow>That's it.</c>

6
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,640
CHEERING

7
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,960
FOOTBALL COMMENTARY PLAYS

8
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,480
BOOING

9
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,960
'Who's that?'

10
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,960
<c.yellow>It's just the morons outside.</c>
<c.yellow>They think they're funny,</c>

11
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,960
<c.yellow>making my grandma do random things,</c>
<c.yellow>then they put it on TikTok.</c>

12
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,160
<c.yellow>"Scounsenancausingmayhem"</c>
<c.yellow>or something.</c>

13
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,960
'That's your nan? No way!
Are they live now?'

14
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,960
CHEERING

15
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,000
WHOOPING

16
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,960
<c.green>Did I miss the Ronaldo? Siuuuu!</c>

17
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,640
<c.green>Hey, great shout with the shirt off,</c>
<c.green>Pat.</c>

18
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,160
<c.green>You absolutely smashed it.</c>
<c.green>Completely silenced the Bernabeu.</c>

19
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:45,800
Last one now, eh, boys?

20
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,960
THEY LAUGH
<c.yellow>She doesn't like you.</c>

21
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,320
'Ooh, what's she gonna do now?'

22
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,960
COMMENTARY CONTINUES

23
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,960
CHEERING

24
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,320
You said you were gonna get me
free bingo tickets.

25
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,960
<c.green>I did. I got you them</c>
<c.green>for last Saturday, lad!</c>

26
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:07,960
You know I go to Angie's tango class
on a Saturday. You know that, Reece.

27
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,960
LAUGHING

28
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:10,960
<c.cyan>That's heavy, that, lad.</c>

29
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,960
<c.green>Lingering beef about that quid</c>
<c.green>I took for going the shop for her!</c>

30
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,000
<c.green>Let me do one. Let me do one.</c>

31
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,960
<c.yellow>If I was a professional,</c>

32
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,960
<c.yellow>my trademark celebration</c>
<c.yellow>would be running into the crowd,</c>

33
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,960
<c.yellow>putting me face</c>
<c.yellow>right into Reece's ma's arse</c>

34
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,960
<c.yellow>and while I am in there,</c>
<c.yellow>pointing to the heavens.</c>

35
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:25,960
CHEERS

36
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:40,640
Hi, everyone.
<c.yellow>Oh, here we go!</c>

37
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,960
Sorry to disturb your lunchbreak,
but I have sent out an email

38
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,960
because it's National Diversity
and Inclusion Week.

39
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,640
<c.cyan>When's it gonna be</c>
<c.cyan>you leave us alone week?</c>

40
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,960
<c.yellow>I don't care if</c>
<c.yellow>a Jaffa Cake identifies as a cake.</c>

41
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,800
<c.yellow>Belongs in the biscuit tin.</c>

42
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,960
Mr Meacher and I have set up
a homework task.

43
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,960
You need to pair yourselves up
with someone who is your opposite

44
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:03,960
and experience their lives
over the next few days.

45
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:04,960
<c.green>Just sit down, Brimble!</c>

46
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:10,000
ALL CHANT: Sit down, Brimble.

47
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,160
Sit down, Brimble.

48
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,960
Sit down, Brimble.
Sit down, Brimble.

49
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,960
On Wednesday...
you will both do a presentation

50
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,960
in front of the whole school.
GROANING

51
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:24,960
You'll speak about your differences
and what common ground you found.

52
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,960
Diversity...
<c.yellow>No-one cares.</c>

53
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,960
Embrace it. Share it.

54
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:35,960
Celebrate it.
BOOING

55
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:41,000
And Mr Meacher is offering a £500
prize for the winning presentation.

56
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,000
CHEERING

57
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,960
<c.yellow>Who would your opposite be?</c>

58
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:52,000
Probably just
someone really unpopular, like...

59
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:54,960
..like her.

60
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,960
God, you know, I can't be arsed
with these presentations.

61
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,800
I'm just not gonna win, am I?

62
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,960
<c.yellow>Oh, yous are so cute together.</c>

63
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,960
Cheers, girl. And do you know what?

64
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,960
It doesn't matter that
he doesn't speak English

65
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,960
cos I know exactly what he's saying
through his eyes.

66
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:23,480
Like just then, he said,
"I'm going for me lunch."

67
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,960
<c.yellow>So, the Brimble just came up to you</c>
<c.yellow>and asked to be partners?</c>

68
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,960
Well, she asked us
if I was a practising Muslim first.

69
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,960
I told her "na'am",
which is "yeah" in Arabic.

70
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,960
<c.cyan>You won't get away with that, lad.</c>
What do you mean?

71
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,960
<c.yellow>Aw, we should be partners, mate.</c>
<c.yellow>I could win this.</c>

72
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,960
<c.yellow>Diversity loves a gay.</c>
CHUCKLING

73
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,960
<c.green>That's one of</c>
<c.green>the most beautifully tolerant things</c>

74
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:47,960
<c.green>you've ever said to me. Thank you.</c>
<c.green>Knob!</c>

75
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,960
I'm fuming. How am I supposed
to show my acting skills

76
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:53,960
when this is who I'm put with?

77
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,960
<c.cyan>Smoked someone the other day.</c>
<c.green>A Manchester United fan?</c>

78
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,960
<c.cyan>Oh, yeah, fucking scruff. Divvy.</c>

79
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,960
Oh, Romeo, Romeo.
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

80
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,960
Oh, sorry, he's just finishing
Pro Clubs on FIFA.

81
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,800
<c.yellow>Do you know, I feel for you, girl.</c>

82
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:06,960
<c.yellow>Cos you know, me and Ziad,</c>

83
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,960
<c.yellow>we were practising our audition</c>
<c.yellow>this morning,</c>

84
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,960
<c.yellow>and you can proper get in the zone</c>
<c.yellow>with the right partner.</c>

85
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,960
<c.yellow>Sir, me and Ziad,</c>
<c.yellow>we're gonna audition next.</c>

86
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,960
<c.yellow>Now, he is from Libya,</c>
<c.yellow>so he doesn't speak English,</c>

87
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,800
<c.yellow>so we're gonna do, like,</c>
<c.yellow>a non-verbal audition.</c>

88
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,960
<c.green>Well, that's not gonna work.</c>
<c.yellow>Why?</c>

89
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,000
<c.yellow>Are you racist against people</c>
<c.yellow>who don't speak English, sir?</c>

90
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,960
Are you a big, bad Nazi,
are you, sir?

91
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,960
<c.yellow>Why do you look so guilty, sir?</c>

92
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:32,960
<c.green>We...</c>
<c.yellow>Get your kit off.</c>

93
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,000
<c.yellow>Show us you haven't got</c>
<c.yellow>a swastika tattoo, sir.</c>

94
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:41,960
<c.green>Erm... Ziad,</c>
<c.green>in no way did I intend...</c>

95
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,960
Sir, he doesn't speak English.

96
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,960
Oh, now
you're just a patronising racist!

97
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,320
Come on, Ziad,
let's prove to the racists

98
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:52,960
that we can show Romeo and Juliet's
connection without language.

99
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,160
<c.green>Sorry.</c>

100
00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,960


101
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,960


102
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:08,960


103
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:09,960
<c.yellow>Down.</c>

104
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,960
<c.yellow>OK.</c>
SHE GROANS

105
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:26,960
<c.yellow>No.</c>

106
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,160
SHE GROANS

107
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,960
SHE SIGHS

108
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:44,960
SHE MOANS LOUDLY

109
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,960
<c.yellow>Thank you.</c>

110
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,960
IN ARABIC:

111
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,960
<c.cyan>Lucky bastard!</c>

112
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,960
BUZZING

113
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,640
Dad, I'm bringing this girl over,

114
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,960
but I kinda told her
I was a proper Muslim

115
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,960
so I could do
this opposites homework with her.

116
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,960
<c.yellow>Astaghfirullah! I tell you</c>
<c.yellow>never to bring evil white girl</c>

117
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,960
<c.yellow>to this house, Mohammed.</c>
Dad, I'm being serious.

118
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,960
We need to be Muslim.
<c.yellow>I don't care how serious you are.</c>

119
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,960
<c.yellow>Your grandad's been trying to get</c>
<c.yellow>you in a mosque for years.</c>

120
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,960
<c.yellow>Now some girl comes along,</c>
<c.yellow>and you wanna pretend to be Muslim.</c>

121
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:19,960
<c.yellow>Are you having a laugh?</c>

122
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,960
<c.cyan>All right.</c>
<c.cyan>Son, what's this girl like?</c>

123
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,960
Two words, Mum - su-perb.
<c.cyan>That's one word.</c>

124
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,960
And we're celebrating
Eid "al-Hadda".

125
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:30,960
<c.yellow>Adha.</c>

126
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,960
Adha. Yeah, Dad, are you gonna help?

127
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,960
<c.yellow>'Yeah. Go on, then.'</c>
Sound.

128
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,960
So, like, I know you're gay,

129
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,960
but surely if that bird who played
Wonder Woman wanted you,

130
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:44,960
you obviously would?

131
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,000
<c.yellow>Oh, yeah, I'd completely abandon</c>

132
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,960
<c.yellow>me whole genetic and hormonal</c>
<c.yellow>make-up for her. Yeah.</c>

133
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:54,800
I thought so, mate.
She's fit, isn't she? <c.yellow>Yeah.</c>

134
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,960
You see, what's good is
you're gonna get to experience

135
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,960
a progressive, modern-day
Muslim family.

136
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:03,960
I mean, sometimes you wouldn't
even guess we're Muslim. <c.yellow>Yeah. Wow.</c>

137
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,480
<c.cyan>They're here. Press play.</c>
MUSIC

138
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,480
<c.cyan>Astaghfirullah!</c>
SPEAKS IN ARABIC

139
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,960
<c.cyan>You are a disgrace!</c>

140
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,960
<c.cyan>I shall never forgive you.</c>
Dad!

141
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,960
<c.cyan>Eid Mubarak.</c>

142
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,960
<c.cyan>Apologies for my wife's behaviour.</c>
<c.cyan>Er, she is practising seclusion</c>

143
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:28,320
<c.cyan>from public observation and</c>
<c.cyan>had the audacity to show her feet.</c>

144
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,960
<c.cyan>I still see your toeys.</c>

145
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:34,800
Dad, it's Eid, and
women celebrate with us. Remember?

146
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,960
<c.cyan>You're right.</c>
<c.cyan>She may join us for five minutes.</c>

147
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,480
Mum!

148
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,960
NOISE FROM PHONE

149
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,960
I thought you wanted me to teach you
how to be more earnest in life?

150
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,960
<c.yellow>I am earnest, me.</c>

151
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,800
<c.yellow>Today, I taught Miss Prescott</c>
<c.yellow>that if she had an OnlyFans,</c>

152
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,960
<c.yellow>I'd defo subscribe.</c>
But I actually wanna do this task.

153
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:03,960
<c.yellow>Why, when you've already made</c>
<c.yellow>your mind up about me?</c>

154
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:04,960
<c.yellow>So just put a slide up saying,</c>

155
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,960
<c.yellow>"The difference between me and Reece</c>
<c.yellow>in ten years."</c>

156
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,640
<c.yellow>Then photoshop a pic of you</c>
<c.yellow>in a suit with a £50 note,</c>

157
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,960
<c.yellow>snorting cocaine</c>
<c.yellow>off Jacob Rees-Mogg's bum cheeks.</c>

158
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,960
<c.yellow>Then me, in a pair of</c>
<c.yellow>Reebok Classics, looking chavtastic,</c>

159
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,960
<c.yellow>standing outside the job centre</c>
<c.yellow>with me 13 kids.</c>

160
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,960
WOMAN: <c.cyan>Christopher, I'm home.</c>
HE PLAYS PORN ON PHONE

161
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,960
What are you doing that for?

162
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,000
You don't seem to care
about doing any work.

163
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,960
Are you even going to uni or
is that a bit too grown-up for you?

164
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,960
<c.yellow>Lad, I'm starting</c>
<c.yellow>a joinery apprenticeship as soon as.</c>

165
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,960
<c.yellow>I'll be earning</c>
<c.yellow>a decent wage for a nice house</c>

166
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,960
<c.yellow>whilst you're sucking off</c>
<c.yellow>the manager of Lidl,</c>

167
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,960
<c.yellow>desperate for a job cos</c>
<c.yellow>you're 50 grand in debt after uni.</c>

168
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,960
<c.yellow>Then who'll be the grown-up one?</c>
<c.cyan>Christopher!</c>

169
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,960
TURNS THE VOLUME UP
What are you doing that for?

170
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,960
<c.yellow>I don't know. It's funny, innit?</c>

171
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,960
<c.yellow>I just want her to think that</c>
<c.yellow>we're shagging.</c>

172
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,960
Turn it off!

173
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,960
<c.yellow>What are you doing? Get off me top!</c>

174
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,960
Come 'ead!

175
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:05,960
OPERA MUSIC

176
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,960
MOANING FROM PHONE

177
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,800
GROANING FROM PHONE

178
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,640
<c.cyan>You boys are certainly throwing</c>
<c.cyan>yourselves</c>

179
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,320
<c.cyan>into this get to know each other</c>
<c.cyan>homework.</c>

180
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,960
<c.yellow>Soz, Pat.</c>
<c.yellow>Chrissy's a bit of a squealer.</c>

181
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,000
SQUEALS

182
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,960
It is great that
you all eat from the same plate.

183
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,960
It's uniquely intimate. So bonding.

184
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,960
<c.cyan>I have something for you.</c>
Oh!

185
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,800
SHE LAUGHS

186
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:56,960
<c.yellow>Erm...</c>

187
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,960
<c.cyan>Mohammed, why is she looking</c>
<c.cyan>so confused, huh? Is she not happy?</c>

188
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,160
<c.cyan>You said the mahr for the marriage</c>
<c.cyan>had been agreed.</c>

189
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,960
<c.green>Yeah.</c>
Dad!

190
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,960
<c.green>It's such an honour to welcome you</c>
<c.green>to our family,</c>

191
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,960
<c.green>you know,</c>
<c.green>as my future daughter-in-law.</c>

192
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,000
<c.yellow>Sorry, what?</c>
That's not...

193
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,960
<c.green>He's always wanted to control</c>
<c.green>the woman.</c>

194
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,480
<c.green>You have. You have.</c>

195
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,960
<c.green>Remember when you were a little boy?</c>
<c.green>You used to take that Barbie.</c>

196
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:20,960
<c.green>He'd say, "You're my wife.</c>

197
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,960
<c.green>"You're my wife,</c>
<c.green>and I'm gonna hide your passport,</c>

198
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,320
<c.green>"tie you to a radiator."</c>
<c.green>It was so cute. It was so funny.</c>

199
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,960
You can't say that!

200
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,320
<c.yellow>Sorry, I think</c>
<c.yellow>there's been a misunderstanding.</c>

201
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,960
<c.yellow>I am not here to be Mo's wife.</c>

202
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,000
<c.yellow>I-I am here to learn</c>
<c.yellow>about your religion.</c>

203
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,960
Yes, Mum, she's here to learn.
<c.green>Apologies.</c>

204
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,320
<c.green>Would you please excuse him, just</c>
<c.green>while he prepares the main course?</c>

205
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,960
Dad...
<c.green>Mm!</c>

206
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,960
BLEATING

207
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:50,960
What's he playing at?

208
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:57,960
<c.cyan>We will now begin</c>
<c.cyan>our Eid Qurbani celebration.</c>

209
00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:01,800
<c.cyan>The ritual slaughter of a goat.</c>

210
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:08,480
<c.cyan>Would our guest of honour...</c>
<c.cyan>like to perform the sacrifice?</c>

211
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:13,960
<c.yellow>Erm... No, I respect your religion,</c>
<c.yellow>but I would rather not.</c>

212
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,800
<c.green>Well, then,</c>
<c.green>Cutthroat Mo takes the reins again.</c>

213
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,320
<c.green>That's what we call him cos</c>
<c.green>when he was five, he was a natural,</c>

214
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,640
<c.green>real thirst for blood.</c>

215
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:23,960
<c.cyan>Hm, so murderous.</c>

216
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,960
Mum. Dad, that is no longer
a tradition we follow.

217
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,960
Dad!

218
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,960
Just... Yeah, just give me a second.
Sorry.

219
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,960
LAUGHING,
BLEATING

220
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,960
Yous aren't funny!

221
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,960
<c.green>Cutthroat Mo strikes again.</c>

222
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,320
Sir, why are you only seeing
lads and girls audition?

223
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,960
Are you a homophobe
as well as a racist?

224
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,000
Romeo and Ricardo for the win.

225
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,960
<c.yellow>Ted makes a great point,</c>

226
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,960
<c.yellow>and we need to be more inclusive</c>
<c.yellow>with the languages for Ziad.</c>

227
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,960
<c.yellow>I've popped an Arabic translation</c>
<c.yellow>I found in the WhatsApp group.</c>

228
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,480
<c.yellow>Maybe Mo and Ziad</c>
<c.yellow>would like to audition as a pair?</c>

229
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,960
Erm... Yeah. Sound.

230
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:27,960
IN ARABIC:

231
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,960
<c.yellow>Yeah.</c>

232
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

233
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,960
<c.green>Classic Shakespeare.</c>

234
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:38,000
<c.green>Conflict... to resolution.</c>
<c.green>Fantastic, boys.</c>

235
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,960
Oh, there you are, mate.
Listen, I really need your help.

236
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,960
Reckon you've got any pictures
of Pat when she was younger?

237
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,480
Cos I'm seeing hallmarks
of a decent bum, you know.

238
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:53,960
I'm only messing.

239
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,800
Though if you had any, I'd probably
wanna look out of curiosity.

240
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,960
But anyway, you know Reece's ma?

241
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,960
<c.yellow>That really shy and retiring woman?</c>

242
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,960
Yeah. She came onto me.
<c.yellow>No, she didn't.</c>

243
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:07,960
Mate, swear down. We were in the
canteen, brought me over Alphabites,

244
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,960
gave me a wink and I looked at them
and I realised,

245
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,960
if I moved them round, it spelt out,
"I want you, Con."

246
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,960
I had to use the "O" more than once,

247
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,960
but that's just a mistake
on her part.

248
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,960
<c.yellow>That wasn't a coincidence. There's</c>
<c.yellow>a lot of things that could spell.</c>

249
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,960
No, mate, secret code.

250
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,000
SIGHS

251
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,960
Proper torn now, lad.
Cos it's banter.

252
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:34,960
But it's not banter because...
I wanna do it.

253
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,640
Just, Reece is me mate.

254
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:40,960
<c.yellow>You should go for it.</c>

255
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,960
<c.yellow>Well, if this week at school</c>
<c.yellow>has taught us anything,</c>

256
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,960
<c.yellow>it's to be your authentic self,</c>
<c.yellow>and people should accept that.</c>

257
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:51,480
Yeah. And my authentic self wants
his head right up Jodie's arse.

258
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,640
Nice one, lad. I'll see you later.

259
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:04,000
<c.yellow>Aye, pilgrim,</c>
<c.yellow>lips that they must use in prayer.</c>

260
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:08,960
Oh, then, dear saint,
let lips do what hands do.

261
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,960
<c.yellow>Saints do not move,</c>
<c.yellow>though grant for prayers' sake.</c>

262
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,960
Then move not
while my prayer's effect I take.

263
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:21,960
<c.cyan>Nah, no, I'm not havin' this, me.</c>
<c.cyan>Right in me face like that.</c>

264
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:26,160
<c.cyan>I'm back tomorrow.</c>
<c.cyan>You're dead, you sweaty lizard.</c>

265
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,960
Oi, you liar! What's all this about?
<c.green>Gold star English student.</c>

266
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:36,640
HE SPEAKS
ENGLISH WORDS SLOWLY

267
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,960
Aims found it on your Facebook.
<c.yellow>Look...</c>

268
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,960
Oh, my God, he's still pretending.

269
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,960
And here's me telling Aims
we don't need to vet you

270
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:43,960
cos I know you'll pass.

271
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,960
<c.cyan>I vetted you anyway</c>
<c.cyan>because she's my mate,</c>

272
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,960
<c.cyan>and something about you is dodgy.</c>

273
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:48,960
<c.cyan>In a non-racist way.</c>

274
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,800
We did the usual background check of
all your socials for any scandals,

275
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,960
looking at your internet history
to make sure

276
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,960
you're not a perv
and no naughty shoes.

277
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,800
And you only just passed that one,
by the way.

278
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,000
<c.cyan>You've been added, lad.</c>

279
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,960
Yeah, you have.
So, don't you ever speak

280
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,960
to either of us again in English...

281
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,960
..or with your sexy brown eyes.
<c.yellow>Mia-Louise!</c>

282
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:11,960
SPEAKS ARABIC

283
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,960
<c.yellow>Come back.</c>
Still pretending!

284
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,000
So, what was Reece like as a kid?

285
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:24,960
<c.yellow>He struggled.</c>

286
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:30,640
<c.yellow>Wasn't his fault.</c>
<c.yellow>He had a lot to deal with.</c>

287
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,960
<c.yellow>We didn't have any heating.</c>

288
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:37,800
<c.yellow>Sometimes, the only food</c>
<c.yellow>we could afford was 9p Netto beans.</c>

289
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:38,960
I'm sorry.

290
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,960
<c.yellow>Sometimes, I had to send him</c>
<c.yellow>out into the street to steal</c>

291
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,960
<c.yellow>other people's hubcaps and...</c>
<c.yellow>when we were really desperate...</c>

292
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,160
<c.yellow>I had to shove him</c>
<c.yellow>through people's cat flaps,</c>

293
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,960
<c.yellow>to break into their houses.</c>
<c.yellow>He was only four years old.</c>

294
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,960
HE SIGHS

295
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,960
Well, I see now
why he is the way he is.

296
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:08,640
<c.yellow>I'm winding you up, soft arse.</c>

297
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,960
<c.yellow>Never mind</c>
<c.yellow>what you see on the telly.</c>

298
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,960
<c.yellow>We're not all sitting round,</c>
<c.yellow>eating crack out of a bin bag.</c>

299
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,960
<c.yellow>Look, I suppose you can say...</c>

300
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,960
<c.yellow>..that it's only ever been</c>
<c.yellow>me and him.</c>

301
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:26,960
<c.yellow>So, I'm very proud...</c>
<c.yellow>of the man that he's becoming.</c>

302
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,960
<c.yellow>Oi, oi, here he is.</c>
<c.yellow>Here's that tenner, son.</c>

303
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,960
<c.cyan>Ah! Nice one, Mum.</c>

304
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:35,960
<c.yellow>Oh, so you can bend down?</c>

305
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,960
<c.yellow>Well, in that case, you can go</c>
<c.yellow>and pick up your dirty plate</c>

306
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,960
<c.yellow>and put it in the dishwasher,</c>
<c.yellow>lazy arse.</c>

307
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,960
<c.yellow>Right, I'm off to work.</c>
<c.yellow>Give us that tenner back.</c>

308
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:49,960
<c.yellow>Nice one. G'wed.</c>
<c.yellow>See you later. Love you. </c><c.cyan>Love you.</c>

309
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,640
<c.yellow>I think it's really great you're</c>
<c.yellow>so committed to your schoolwork.</c>

310
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,960
<c.yellow>Bet your mum would have been</c>
<c.yellow>dead proud of you.</c>

311
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,000
<c.cyan>Hey, Connor came onto me ma</c>
<c.cyan>last night.</c>

312
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,960
<c.cyan>Nah, it's not funny, lad.</c>
<c.cyan>He told me you told him to do it.</c>

313
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:12,960
He actually did it?

314
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:16,480
<c.cyan>What did you say that to him for?</c>
I don't know. Funny, innit?

315
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:20,960
<c.cyan>Nah, banter's funny.</c>
<c.cyan>But nobody treats me ma like that.</c>

316
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,960
Then be angry at him, not me.
<c.cyan>No, you should know better.</c>

317
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,960
<c.cyan>You're lucky if</c>
<c.cyan>I even do this presentation later.</c>

318
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,960
<c.cyan>Though I suppose</c>
<c.cyan>we can tell everyone</c>

319
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,960
<c.cyan>how we're so different, then, cos</c>
<c.cyan>one of us is proper disrespectful.</c>

320
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,960
APPLAUSE

321
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:40,960
<c.green>Good afternoon to you all.</c>

322
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,000
<c.green>Here at Allsbrooke, we are proud</c>
<c.green>to promote a school culture</c>

323
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,960
<c.green>that values diversity.</c>

324
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,960
<c.green>So, without further ado,</c>

325
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,960
<c.green>first up, we have Connor and Ted.</c>

326
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,960
<c.yellow>It's mad cos...</c>

327
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,960
CHUCKLING

328
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,960
<c.yellow>..I love girls' arses,</c>

329
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,960
<c.yellow>and he loves lads' arses, don't you?</c>

330
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,160
<c.green>Kieran and Lewis.</c>

331
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:10,960
<c.cyan>Our main differences are,</c>
<c.cyan>he benches 270...</c>

332
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,160
<c.cyan>I bench 275.</c>

333
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,960
<c.yellow>And if you look,</c>
<c.yellow>they're not really that different.</c>

334
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:20,960
<c.cyan>Mine and Kieran's common ground is</c>
<c.cyan>we both generally love a good scrap.</c>

335
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:25,160
<c.cyan>We'll batter anyone who wants it</c>
<c.cyan>and batter them again if needs be.</c>

336
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,960
<c.yellow>Just slightly different in shape.</c>

337
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,960
<c.yellow>So, maybe me and Ted aren't</c>
<c.yellow>that different, either.</c>

338
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,800
HE SOBS

339
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:35,960
APPLAUSE

340
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:40,640
<c.cyan>But we're most similar...</c>
<c.cyan>cos we're both humans,</c>

341
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,960
<c.cyan>and humans make mistakes.</c>

342
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:48,960
<c.cyan>I bet any one of them sound lads</c>
<c.cyan>there on that picture made mistakes.</c>

343
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,160
<c.cyan>Will you?</c>

344
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,480
BOY: <c.green>Is that a pebble?</c>

345
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,960
Lewis, are you messing?

346
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,960
It's not about the mistake.

347
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,960
I want someone that'll push me
out of me comfort zone.

348
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:03,960
GIRL: <c.yellow>She's had you off!</c>

349
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:04,960
You're not me Romeo.

350
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:09,160
LAUGHTER

351
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,960
<c.cyan>Fuck off!</c>

352
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,960
CHANTING

353
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:18,320
I asked Mo's parents to tell me
a Muslim prayer

354
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,960
because I wanted to share it
with all of you today... <c.yellow>What?</c>

355
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,960
So, if you could please all join me
in a call to Salah.

356
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,960
<c.yellow>No, no...</c>
Which means prayer in Arabic.

357
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:34,160


358
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,960
<c.cyan>Is this real?</c>
SHE CONTINUES SINGING

359
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,480
<c.green>I can't believe he said that to her.</c>

360
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:44,960
If he's good enough for you...
he's good enough for me.

361
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,640
AUDIENCE:
That's where I wanna be

362
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:55,960


363
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:59,960

He's good enough for me.

364
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,000
<c.green>OK. OK...</c>

365
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,960
<c.green>OK.</c>

366
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:12,960
<c.green>And now for the final pairing,</c>
<c.green>we have Reece and Christopher.</c>

367
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,000
<c.yellow>There were many differences</c>
<c.yellow>I experienced when being with Reece,</c>

368
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,160
<c.yellow>but in truth,</c>
<c.yellow>I started to understand them.</c>

369
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:26,960
<c.yellow>I now understand that a family</c>
<c.yellow>can abuse each other non-stop</c>

370
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,960
<c.yellow>but love each other very much.</c>

371
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:33,640
<c.yellow>And I think love was our</c>
<c.yellow>common ground, a love for our mums.</c>

372
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,960
LAUGHTER

373
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,960
<c.yellow>You all laugh,</c>
<c.yellow>but you love your parents, too.</c>

374
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,960
<c.yellow>It's just Reece has got the balls</c>
<c.yellow>to show it.</c>

375
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,960
<c.yellow>He always sticks up for her,</c>
<c.yellow>and he always defends her.</c>

376
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,960
<c.yellow>I remember</c>
<c.yellow>a time I was out with my mum,</c>

377
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,960
<c.yellow>and... these idiots my age</c>
<c.yellow>were... harassing her,</c>

378
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,960
<c.yellow>saying idiotic things about her...</c>

379
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,960
<c.yellow>and I did nothing.</c>

380
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,960
<c.yellow>So, I guess</c>
<c.yellow>our biggest common ground was</c>

381
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,800
<c.yellow>our fondness for our mums.</c>

382
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,960
<c.yellow>I just wish</c>
<c.yellow>I'd shown my fondness more.</c>

383
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,960
<c.yellow>Show your loved ones you care...</c>
<c.yellow>before it's too late.</c>

384
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:22,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

385
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:31,960
<c.green>I think we have our winners.</c>
CHEERING

386
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,320
<c.cyan>Lad, we're loaded!</c>

387
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,960
<c.cyan>Do you reckon we try and get tickets</c>
<c.cyan>for the Liverpool game?</c>

388
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,960
Good afternoon, everyone.

389
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,960
This... is the moment
we've all been waiting for,

390
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,960
the moment we announce
the cast of the school play.

391
00:22:55,960 --> 00:23:00,320
You see here at Allsbrooke,
character is destiny,

392
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:04,960
and playing the characters
of Romeo and Juliet are...

393
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,960
<c.yellow>Who-a-a-a-a!</c>

394
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,960
..Aimee and Christopher.
CHEERING

395
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,960
But soft, what light
through yonder window breaks?

396
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,800
It is the east.
And Mia-Louise is the sun.

397
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,320
<c.yellow>Do one, you liar.</c>
I was afraid.

398
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:40,480
Look, when we first met,
you assumed I didn't speak English,

399
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,960
and you seemed to like
that about me,

400
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,000
so I played along because...
cos you are so beautiful.

401
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,960
I-I wanted to tell you the truth,

402
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,960
but you kept talking
about our eyes communicating.

403
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,960
I was afraid you'd think
our connection wasn't real.

404
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:58,960
But it is.
Because it's not about our mouths.

405
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,960
It's not even about our eyes.

406
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,960
It's about our hearts.

407
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,800
<c.yellow>Well, just give me a sec, then.</c>

408
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,960
PHONE PINGS

409
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,960
Pass the ball, lad.
KNOCK ON DOOR

410
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,480
<c.cyan>I found these on the kitchen table.</c>

411
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,960
It's two tickets for Friday
off Mo's ma.

412
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,480
You can take one of your bessies
from Angie's tango class.

413
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,960
I wanna squash this beef, Pat.

414
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,960
I'm sick
of always looking over me shoulder.

415
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,960
<c.yellow>Oh, get in!</c>
<c.green>'What a goal!'</c>

416
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,960
Siuuu!

417
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,960
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com

418
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,960
Siuuu!

419
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,960
Siuuu!